Looking for christmas jokes for kids that actually land at the dinner table? Here are 170 of them, groan-worthy puns included.
The best part of the holidays isn’t just the presents, it’s the terrible, wonderful jokes that come out once the tree goes up. Whether you need material for a classroom party, a stocking stuffer card, or just something to make the family laugh over dinner, this list of 170 Christmas jokes has you covered. They’re all kid-friendly, easy to remember, and sorted into categories so you can find exactly the kind of holiday humor you’re after.
Santa Jokes
The man in red is always good for a laugh, here’s 20 to prove it.
1. What do you call Santa when he stops moving? Santa Pause.
2. Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho ho ho.
3. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
4. How does Santa keep track of everyone he meets? He makes a Santa-list.
5. What do you call Santa when he loses his beard? St. Nick-ed.
6. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low elf-esteem.
7. What do you call Santa when he’s in the desert? Sandy Claus.
8. Why doesn’t Santa ever get speeding tickets? He always sleighs within the limit.
9. What do you call Santa going down a chimney backwards? Santa Klaustrophobic.
10. Why did Santa’s little helper cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.
11. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia.
12. What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
13. What do you call Santa when he’s taking a break? Santa Stopped.
14. Why does Santa always enter through the chimney? Because it soots him.
15. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.
16. What do you call Santa relaxing at the North Pole? Sub-Zero Claus.
17. What do you get when you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker.
18. What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t, it’s bad for my elf.
19. Why did Santa’s sleigh get a parking ticket? He left it in a snow-parking zone.
20. What do you call Santa delivering presents in the summer? Sunny Claus.
Reindeer Jokes
Rudolph and friends bring their own brand of holiday humor.
21. What do you call a reindeer with bad manners? Rude-olph.
22. Why don’t reindeer ever get lost? They always trust their instincts.
23. What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? This one’s gonna sleigh you.
24. What do you call a reindeer wearing earmuffs? Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
25. Why did Rudolph get a bad report card? He kept going down to the North Pole.
26. What’s a reindeer’s favorite type of story? A tail from the North Pole.
27. How do reindeer stay in shape? Lots of running and elf-care.
28. What do you call a lazy baby reindeer? A rein-dear couch potato.
29. Why did the reindeer wear a red nose? He was embarrassed about his GPS skills.
30. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.
31. What’s Rudolph’s favorite subject in school? Nose-ology.
32. Why do reindeer make terrible dancers? They’ve got two left hooves.
33. What do you call a reindeer who tells lies? A lie-deer.
34. What do reindeer use to fix their sleigh? Antler-nate parts.
35. Why did the reindeer get promoted? He had the best track record.
Snowman Jokes
Cold, round, and always ready with a punchline.
36. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.
37. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
38. How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle.
39. What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot? Get out of my face.
40. Why did the snowman go to therapy? He had a meltdown.
41. What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
42. Why don’t snowmen make good comedians? Their jokes fall flat and melt away.
43. What’s a snowman’s favorite type of party? A snow ball.
44. What do you call a snowman with frostbite? Frosty.
45. Why did the snowman start a fight? He had a chip on his shoulder, made of ice.
46. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.
47. What do you call a snowman who won’t share? Cold-hearted.
48. Why did the snowman look through all the carrots at the store? He was picking his nose.
49. What’s a snowman’s favorite exercise? Snow angels.
50. How do you know when a snowman is angry? He gives you the cold shoulder.
Elf Jokes
Small in size, big on puns, the North Pole’s workforce delivers every time.
51. What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper.
52. Why did the elf get sent home from school? He kept elf-ing around.
53. What do you call an elf who won’t stop complaining? A grinch-elf.
54. What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
55. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
56. What do you call an elf who tells great jokes? A stand-up com-elf-dian.
57. Why do elves make great secret keepers? They’re always tight-lipped.
58. What do you call an elf that just won the lottery? Welfy.
59. Why was the elf feeling small? He worked in the shrinking department.
60. What’s an elf’s favorite kind of music? Wrap music.
61. What do elves put on their sandwiches? Elf-butter and jelly.
62. Why did the elf refuse to share his candy? He was a little short-tempered.
63. What did the elf say when the toy factory opened? Time to get this sleigh on the road.
64. What’s an elf’s favorite sport? Mini golf.
65. Why don’t elves ever get sick? They have great elf-care.
Christmas Tree Jokes
The centerpiece of the holiday deserves its own punchlines.
66. What do you call a tree that doesn’t like Christmas? A fir-tive tree.
67. Why did the Christmas tree get in trouble? It was being too sappy.
68. Why couldn’t the Christmas tree stand up on its own? It had no legs.
69. What do you call a Christmas tree that can sing? A cara-oling pine.
70. Why do Christmas trees make bad knitters? They always drop their needles.
71. What did the little tree say to the big tree at Christmas? I’m stumped.
72. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed to be trimmed.
73. What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Ornament drops.
74. Why do Christmas trees prefer the outdoors? They’re not big fans of indoor plumbing.
75. What did one ornament say to the other? Have a ball this Christmas.
76. Why did the Christmas tree get a promotion? It really knew how to branch out.
77. What do you call a Christmas tree with no decorations? A pine-ic table waiting to happen.
Present and Gift Jokes
It’s not Christmas without a pile of presents, and a pile of pun potential.
78. What do you call a gift that’s not wrapped? A present-less present.
79. Why did the present go to school? To get wrapped up in learning.
80. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
81. Why was the calendar depressed at Christmas? Its days were numbered.
82. What did one Christmas ornament say to the other? Ours is a hanging relationship.
83. Why did the present break up with the box? It felt too wrapped up in the relationship.
84. What do you call a gift you already knew about? A pre-sent.
85. Why did the wrapping paper get a raise? It always covered everything.
86. What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas pie? Your teeth.
87. Why did the ribbon go to the party? It wanted to be tied up in the fun.
88. What do you call a gift that keeps interrupting? A present tense.
89. Why did the bow feel important? It was always front and center.
Christmas Food Jokes
Because the holiday season really does revolve around the dinner table.
90. What do you call a fish at Christmas? A Christmas carp.
91. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crumby.
92. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis.
93. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It felt crumby too.
94. What do you call a cold turkey at Christmas? Chili con carne.
95. Why did the sugar cookie put on a coat? It was feeling a little chilly.
96. What’s Santa’s favorite pizza topping? Deep pan, crisp, and even.
97. Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? He always delivers.
98. What do you call a snowman with a sweet tooth? Frosty the snow-cone.
99. What’s the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it.
100. Why did the cranberries turn red? They saw the turkey dressing.
101. What do you call an elf who eats too much candy? A jolly-belly.
102. Why did the fruitcake get invited to every party? It was well seasoned.
103. What did the mistletoe say to the ham at the Christmas party? Kiss my ham, ham, ham.
104. What do you call a group of carolers who love pasta? The Christmas pasta-rale.
Christmas Carol and Music Jokes
For the family that loves belting out holiday tunes, off-key or not.
105. What do snowmen sing at parties? Freeze a jolly good fellow.
106. Why couldn’t the choir sing at the North Pole? Everyone had frost-bitten vocal cords.
107. What’s Santa’s favorite type of music? Wrap music.
108. What do you call carolers who sing off-key? Christmas croakers.
109. Why did the piano go to the Christmas party? It wanted to be the keynote speaker.
110. What’s an elf’s favorite kind of song? Anything with jingle bells.
111. Why did the drum go to church at Christmas? To beat out the good tidings.
112. What do you get when you sing carols underwater? Blubbery good sound quality.
113. What’s Rudolph’s favorite Christmas song? Anything with a good hoof-tap beat.
114. Why did the trumpet get invited to the choir? It always had good breath.
Winter and Snow Jokes
The season wouldn’t be complete without a little chill in the humor.
115. What did one snowflake say to the other? You’re one of a kind.
116. Why did the winter coat go to school? To get a little cover-age.
117. What’s the best thing about snow days? Nothing sticks, except the snow.
118. Why do mummies love winter? They’re already wrapped up for it.
119. What do you call ice that’s afraid? Chicken ice.
120. Why did the icicle go to therapy? It had a lot hanging over it.
121. What’s a penguin’s favorite winter salad? Iceberg lettuce.
122. Why did the scarf run for office? It wanted to wrap up the debate.
123. What do you call a polar bear in a snowstorm? Lost.
124. Why don’t skeletons like winter? The cold goes right through them.
125. What do you call a snowball fight in July? Impossible.
126. Why did the frost show up early? It wanted first dibs on the windows.
Christmas Animal Jokes
Even the animals get in on the holiday spirit.
127. Why don’t cats like Christmas shopping? They’re afraid of the crowds and wrapping paper.
128. What do you call a dog at the North Pole? A lost puppy, unless it’s a husky.
129. Why did the turkey join the band? It had the drumsticks.
130. What’s a penguin’s favorite Christmas movie? Frozen, obviously.
131. Why do birds fly south for Christmas? It’s too far to walk.
132. What do you call a cat that opens Christmas presents? Santa Claws.
133. Why did the chicken join the choir? It had perfect pitch.
134. What do you call reindeer who tell jokes at Christmas parties? Comedi-antlers.
135. Why don’t fish celebrate Christmas? They’re always koi about it.
136. What do you call an owl at Christmas dinner? A hoot of the party.
137. Why did the sheep get invited to Christmas dinner? Everyone wanted the whole flock there.
138. What’s a spider’s favorite Christmas decoration? A web-reath.
Knock-Knock Christmas Jokes
A holiday classic format, perfect for the car ride to grandma’s house.
139. Knock knock. Who’s there? Wenceslas. Wenceslas who? Wenceslas train home, I’m going to miss Christmas dinner.
140. Knock knock. Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas to you too!
141. Knock knock. Who’s there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
142. Knock knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow business like show business, especially at Christmas.
143. Knock knock. Who’s there? Yule. Yule who? Yule never guess what I got for Christmas.
144. Knock knock. Who’s there? Anna. Anna who? Anna partridge in a pear tree.
145. Knock knock. Who’s there? Ice. Ice who? Ice wish you a Merry Christmas.
146. Knock knock. Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open your presents till Christmas morning.
147. Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive the Christmas season.
148. Knock knock. Who’s there? Elf. Elf who? Elf you don’t let me in, I’ll freeze out here.
149. Knock knock. Who’s there? Noel. Noel who? Noel body’s home, I already checked.
150. Knock knock. Who’s there? Rudolph. Rudolph who? Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, obviously.
General and Silly Christmas Jokes
A grab bag of extra holiday humor to round out the list.
151. What’s the difference between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? One whole day.
152. Why was the Christmas alphabet so short? Because it only had No-el.
153. What do you call an old snowman? Water.
154. Why did the Christmas light get a warning? It kept flashing.
155. What did the stocking say to the sock? You hang around here often?
156. What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like Brussels sprouts.”
157. Why did the ornament get promoted? It really hung in there.
158. What did the tree say when winter was over? What a re-leaf.
159. Why was the calendar so popular at Christmas? Its days were full of surprises.
160. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues.
161. Why did the Christmas cracker get an award? It always broke the ice.
162. What do you call a person who’s afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic.
163. Why was the math book sad at Christmas? It had too many problems and not enough presents.
164. What do you call Santa when he takes a wrong turn? Santa Loss.
165. Why did the light bulb get invited to Christmas dinner? It was pretty bright.
166. What did the tree say to the ornament? Quit hanging around.
167. Why do Christmas trees never get invited to parties? They’re too much of a pine in the neck.
168. What’s the least favorite Christmas song for a mathematician? Figgy Pudding, too many calculations.
169. Why did the wreath get promoted? It really went round and round without giving up.
170. What’s the best Christmas gift ever received? One that doesn’t need batteries.
Final Thoughts
That wraps up all 170 jokes, plenty to get you through cookie decorating, the drive to grandma’s, and every awkward silence at the dinner table in between. Save your favorites, share the groan-worthy ones, and have a very merry, very punny Christmas.
